Self-Esteem is NOT...

Pretty much every kind of mental health problem can be associated with low self-esteem, depression, lack of motivation and for most of us we know low self-esteem is ‘bad.’ But did you know that high self-esteem can be a problem as well?

Self-esteem means judging or evaluating yourself positively. It attributes to our self-worth, perceived value, or how much we like ourselves. You believe you are a good person, and you identify with your strengths. However, research has shown that for most of us, believing we are good is so closely related to believing we are better than other people. In modern western culture is not ok to be average, we have to feel above average in order to feel good about ourselves. We adhere towards a stand-out mentality, with hyperfocus on how much we are special and different than everyone else.

This is the main problem with being overly focused on self-esteem. If I need to believe that I am better than other people in order to have high self-esteem, it can make me more likely to criticize others, and more fearful of people seeing my weaknesses. I can become too competitive and fragile when receiving negative feedback. We tend to get angry and aggressive towards anyone who has said or done anything that potentially makes us feel bad about ourselves. Narcissistic and self-absorbed behavior is on a high rise as the new normal. And still even with so much high self-esteem, we may feel it is often dependant on our latest success or failure, meaning self-esteem fluctuates depending on our ever-changing circumstances.

Celebrated 34 years on Earth on the Ides of March.

Celebrated 34 years on Earth on the Ides of March.

On the other hand, when you have self-compassion you don’t care if you are better, worse, or the same s anyone else. Self-compassion means relating to yourself with a kind and forgiving attitude no matter what is happening. Self-compassion isn’t dependent on external circumstances, it’s always available.

When we relate to ourselves with self-compassion, there's no need to put other people down. We aren’t afraid of the occasional failures, or even falling flat on our face because we can see them as valuable learning instead of threats to our self-worth. Researchers have found that self-compassion actually improves our motivation to succeed because we aren't so worried about making mistakes. We don’t need to be perfect, special, different, or stand-out in order to be lovable.




Fundamental Goodness

Morgan Harper Nicholes

Morgan Harper Nicholes

Sup Sup beautiful beings! Welcome back! As you may know, the next 14 posts I’ll be sharing some helpful and useful information around cultivating and deepening an authentic relationship with your self-compassion.

So what is self-compassion? Well, it’s just what it sounds like. It means being compassionate towards yourself. Now before you roll your eyes and scroll on allow me to go on, that’s just the simplest answer. It means honoring yourself and appreciating when life is going alright, as well as being gentle, kind and forgiving to yourself when life is hard. So much of our discomfort comes from constantly criticizing ourselves and other people. Perhaps we’ve felt depressed and anxious all our lives, maybe you can pinpoint to some specific terrible thing that happened to us. Or maybe we might believe that life should be different than it is, or that we won't be lovable until we get rid of whatever we think is wrong with us. While this may be true, it’s possible to feel loved, accepted, and appreciated for being exactly who we are. We can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are fundamentally OK - and even more! Innately we have a wise voice that knows we are fascinating and unique human beings. We can learn to hear that voice, more importantly, believe it. When life is going well self-compassion gives us permission to relish it without feeling guilty. We know that we deserve good things in life - not because we are better than other people, but because we are human beings. Compassion isn't something we have to earn. It comes from the recognition that everyone is born with basic human worth.

Perhaps, you need more education around what “basic human worth” means if so check out my first post ‘Self Compassion is a Skill’ for more information and resources around anti-racism, dismantling white supremacy, and intersectional bias.

Self-compassion is exceptionally important when handling any challenges in our life. When we really struggling - feeling afraid, depressed, angry, or lonely - what we need most are understanding and love. The trouble is that we can’t always rely on other people to be there when we need them. Even if we have a fantastic support system, many of us find it difficult to open ourselves up to love from others.

Yet, if we can establish a source of deep understanding and compassion within ourselves, it is always there when we need it. It solidifies the foundation for greater strength, resilience, and peace of mind. And fortunately, this is possible for anyone who is willing to practice.

Homework (if you feel); journal or chat with a friend 1. When life is going well… 2. When life feels hard… write out 3 examples of what your self-critical attitude sounds like when thinking about 1. (ex. People are going to discover I’m a phony.) Now do this again but this time with a self-compassionate attitude (ex. If people really understood me, they’d like me.) Now go on to 2. Again writing 3 examples one with self-critical ‘tude (ex. If I wasn’t so stupid, I wouldn’t have to deal with this.) and now with a self-compassionate ‘tude (ex. Every human being experiences suffering, no matter how many virtues they have.)

Check back for next post ‘Self-Compassion. Self-Esteem. There’s a Difference.’

Blessings xxx




Harnessing appreciatively the auspicious beginnings a new moon offers us all. Today starts the first post out of 15 where I share mindfulness-based techniques to transform your relationship with yourself by creating, establishing, nurturing and/or strengthening a self-compassionate mindset.

But first...You up for a challenge?

By committing to taking time after each of these 15 posts, to digest, contemplate, practice, sit, move, meditate (in whatever way that means to you), journal, pull tarot cards, talk to your crystals, meet up and discuss with your friends, family, you are planting the seeds deep within, and just as the snow and cold will eventually shift to the newness of spring and flowers blooming and warmer weather drying out our wet bones - your inner self, higher self, IN YOUR POWER BIRTHRIGHT SELF, will shine through. This difference between negative emotions, our self-critical brain, anxiousness, and the big one - not being happy CAN and will begin to shift and change. However, just reading these posts will not do the work for you. Yes, there is work! Lots of it! And at times it is going to challenge everything you know, believe, and experience. In fact, doing this work will open you up to more areas in life and the collective experience that require you to show up for yourself, and for others. An enlightened community can be created and cultivated by coming together to share and talk on what you are learning and experiencing whilst doing your work, this challenge even.  You are the most vital and important piece to this ACTUALLY working out in your favor. Simply put, the secret ingredient will be your time! Are you willing to accept this invitation and create the time needed for you to see results?

I feel that is important to emphasize that I am not saying that I have the answer or the know how to YOUR happiness, I, however,  am humbly offering insight and tools for you to add to your ever-growing cosmic toolbox of the self. Our cultural awareness is a pivotal point in our desire for liberation. I believe, your achieving happiness is directly related to the liberation of all sentient beings. This means your work not only involves changing your relationship with your self-critical mind, and deepening if not connecting to your self-compassionateness (perhaps for the first time) but MOST IMPORTANTLY in your work by showing up for indigenous, black, brown, trans, disabled, and able-bodied people of color who’s very existence on this planet created the path of a liberated, love-full, auspiciously blessed life. It is by their rightful power and allowance that white folx will ever experience emancipation in its truest form. I invite you to absorb this information and future content in regards to self-compassion to first go within to show up for yourself and there move beyond and go forth to be of service and assistance to all. I’ve listed resources that pertain specifically to educating yourself in understanding and dismantling, white supremacy, and intersectional bias. These individuals have put their time and effort and are urging us to do the work. Here are some people that are muy importante to read up on, follow, subscribe, and pay them for their offerings, education, and insight. This list is in no particular order;

Rachel Rickets

A thought leader + outspoken champion for womxn of colour. I educate on anti-racism and inclusion, helping white folx address white supremacy, POC heal from internalized oppression and offering spiritual tools for all hue-mans to commit to the solution.


Layla F. Saad

A write, speaker, podcast host & radical justice advocate whose work explores the intersections of race, spirituality, feminism & leadership.




Rachel Cargle

an activist, writer, and lecturer. Her activist and academic work are rooted in providing intellectual discourse, tools, and resources that explore the intersection of race and womanhood. Her social media platforms boast a community of over 40k where Rachel guides conversations, encourages critical thinking and nurtures meaningful engagement with people all over the world.


Erika Hart

A kinky, poly, cancer-warrior, activist, sexuality educator and performer with a Master’s of Education in Human Sexuality from Widener University, Ericka Hart has taught sexuality education for elementary aged youth to adults across New York City for the past 10  years.


Compassion isn’t some kind of self-improvement project or ideal that we’re trying to live up to. Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves, all those imperfections that we don’t even want to look at.
— Pema Chodron

Let me know in the comments if you're in! Or go bold and make a post, add to your story, tweet about it, Facebook announce that you are on a journey of self-compassion, along with me. Tag #bbmagda so I can see and engage with you. #tagafriend who could benefit from this, commit to doing this challenge together!  #accoutabilitypartner

(btw - blessing and gentle entry into this new moon in Aquarius! Interested in more about her check out my Instagram story for the deetz.)  Tune in on Wednesday, 2.6.19 for the next post about what self-compassion means.

Blessings Xxx